Iran Ready To Talk About How Awesome Nuclear Program Is

TEHRAN—As international tension builds over Iran’s decision to continue refining and enriching uranium, Foreign Ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi announced Monday that the nation was “willing to enter open bilateral talks” to discuss how absolutely great it is that the country will soon have a functioning nuclear program. “Iran wishes to bring the world’s diplomats to the table so that we may jump up on it and shout about how truly glorious it is to have this incredible power,” Asefi wrote in a open letter inviting more than 100 heads to nuclear-proliferation-celebration talks in Tehran this September. Asefi acknowledged that Iran now has a responsibility to “come clean about how much we love our new nukes,” and said he looked forward to comparing armaments with other countries, especially Israel.