School Board Adopts Gay-Ass Uniform Policy

LOS ANGELES—Seeking to reduce incidents of student violence and insubordination, the Los Angeles Unified School District voted 9-3 Monday to institute a gay-ass uniform policy. “We feel these lame uniforms, with their dorky ties and dipwad school crests, will help create a school environment more conducive to learning,” said LAUSD board officer Jefferson Crain. “We foresee fewer outbursts when students are forced to walk around in these retardo suits.”