Bank Robbers Fail To Consider O'Reilly Factor

PITTSBURGH, PA—Would-be bank robbers Anthony Nesco, 34, and James Dumas, 36, were foiled Monday after failing to take into account the O’Reilly Factor. “Before they charged into [Fidelity Savings Bank] waving their guns, those two creeps should have thought about me and my tough-talking, straight-shooting, no-nonsense style,” said Bill O’Reilly, host of Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly Factor and author of a best-selling book of the same name. “Normally, I take no prisoners, but I’ll make an exception in the case of these two crum-bums: Lock ’em up and throw away the key, I say.” O’Reilly added that it’s absolutely ridiculous, the money these moddycoddled pro athletes make these days.