Elementary Schooler Clearly Just Learned To Swear

ALEXANDRIA, LA–Lakeview Elementary School first-grader Ian Schweder has clearly just taken his first steps into the world of swearing, classroom sources reported Monday. “He must’ve just seen a sweary movie,” classmate Caitlin Lorenz said. “He always runs around the playground yelling, ’Fucky fucky shit fuck,’ and dirty stuff like that.” In the past two days, Schweder has composed a ribald song titled “Shit Shit Boobies,” covered three sheets of notebook paper with scatological malediction, and attempted to tell a joke about “a girl who saw a boy’s pussy.”