Area Man's Mother Sizes Up New Girlfriend's Pelvic Span

STILLWATER, OK–During an evening social call Monday, Emily Dahlgren carefully sized up the pelvic span of her son Matt’s new girlfriend, evaluating her potential as a vessel for future Dahlgrens. “Kimberly [Hearns] is a lovely girl with a healthy, stocky build and wonderfully sturdy hips,” Dahlgren raved after meeting Hearns. “I’ll bet she can make some real nice babies.” Dahlgren said she also liked the fact that Hearns comes from a good family with no history of heart disease or diabetes.