Report: America Ready For Third Ketchup Brand

ITHACA, NY–According to a report released Monday by Cornell University’s College Of Food Science, America is ready for a third brand of ketchup. “Our research indicates that, after nearly 50 years as a two-brand nation, the U.S. has reached a state of what we call ’Brand-Three Preparedness,’” head researcher Dr. Diane Albrecht said. “It remains to be seen what this brand is and how its taste will differ from that of Heinz and Hunt’s, but the groundwork has been laid.” Albrecht added that, to go along with the third brand, the popular condiment may introduce a third spelling of its name, with leading contenders believed to be “ketsup,” “catchup,” and katzhup.”