New VCR Made By Communists, Grandpa Alleges

DOWNERS GROVE, IL—According to a report issued Tuesday by area grandfather Anderson Bresch, the Bresch family’s new Gold Star VCR was built by Communists. “Look—it’s made in China,” said the 81-year-old man, examining the Japanese characters on the product’s box. “I told you these things were the work of those shifty Reds. Can’t you folks get yourselves a decent, God-fearing VCR made in Detroit?” An expanded version of the report will be presented to the State Department this week.