Area Man Dead Of Fries

MURFREESBORO, TN—Longtime fries sufferer Chuck Milner died Monday, succumbing to the fat- and cholesterol-laden side dish after a brave 53-year battle. “Sadly, Milner’s family has a history of terminal French-fried potatoes, with his father, sister and several uncles dying of it,” family friend Richard Winningham said. “Chuck first contracted fries during childhood, and it intensified into cheese fries during adulthood, becoming, in his final days, full-blown chili-cheese fries.” Donations to the Milner family, which in recent years had exhausted its savings on ketchup and Lawry’s seasoned salt, can be made care of Winningham.