Roof Of Mouth In Serious Condition Following Cap'n Crunch Consumption

SPRINGFIELD, MA—The roof of area resident Meredith Kjell’s mouth is in serious condition Tuesday following her consumption of three bowls of Cap’n Crunch cereal. “We believe most of the roof can be salvaged,” Dr. David Kim told reporters. “But grafts may be necessary to replace many of the ribbons of flesh gouged from Miss Kjell’s palate by this brutally crunchy pre-sweetened breakfast food.”