Kodak, Nabisco Apologize For Drunken One-Night Merger

ROCHESTER, NY—Kodak CEO George Fisher apologized to shareholders Monday for a drunken one-night merger with Nabisco. “We kind of lost track of how much we’d had, one thing led to another, and, before you know it, we’re signing contracts,” a contrite Fisher said of the $490 billion deal. “I am deeply sorry for the mistake and hope that the 36,000 Kodak employees who were laid off in the merger will find it in their hearts to come back.” Nabisco CEO James Kilts said his company is “still very much in love” with current partner R.J. Reynolds and expressed hope that “we can work through this and remain RJR-Nabisco for many years to come.”