NATO Admits Slovenia, Mummenschanz, Czech Republic

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND—The North Atlantic Treaty Organization welcomed three new members Monday: former Soviet republic Slovenia, Swiss mask-mime troupe Mummenschanz, and the Czech Republic. “We are pleased to welcome three new allies in the peace process,” NATO Secretary-General Javier Solana said at a press conference. “We anticipate a long and rewarding relationship with these new members, particularly the one with the crazy tube costumes.” After Slovenian and Czech diplomats spoke to the press, Mummenschanz representatives affirmed their commitment to NATO with a whimsical seven-minute performance in which one member wearing a featureless clay mask attempted to imitate the intricately sculptured facial features of a fellow member. In return, Solana pledged the troupe full military backup if attacked, as well as $400 million in toilet-paper aid.