6-Year-Old Didn’t Cause Parents’ Divorce But Didn’t Exactly Step Up To Prevent It Either

RACINE, WI—Offering a balanced perspective on the impending end to their marriage, local parents Alex and Rebecca Kriescher explained to their 6-year-old daughter Lucy on Tuesday that while she didn’t cause their divorce, she didn’t exactly step up to prevent it either. “Honey, your mom and I want you to know that we love you very much, and even if you didn’t exactly do anything to help the situation, the divorce isn’t your fault,” said Alex Kriescher, stressing to the visibly emotional child that her parents would never blame her, directly, for their failed marriage and that she was, at most, complicit in the disintegration of the relationship that began 15 years ago and started getting rocky right around the time she was born. “It’s something you should never, ever feel guilty about, okay? But you also can’t let yourself completely off the hook, if we’re being honest. After all, Mom and Dad haven’t had a single goddamn moment to themselves in the past six years. Are we saying you should’ve been the one to fix our relationship issues? Not at all. But the fact that you cry nonstop every time we try to leave you with a babysitter sure hasn’t made things any easier. Not to mention all the financial pressure we’ve endured just to pay for your daycare and preschool. So perhaps we all share a little bit of the blame. Does that make sense?” Rebecca Kriescher later added that while it wasn’t her daughter fault’s that “Dad met that whore Meredith at the office,” childbirth is hell, and no couple’s sex life is ever really the same afterward.