40-Year-Old Not Active Enough To Realize Body Falling Apart

KEARNEY, NE—Estimating that it could still be years until the aging man’s sedentary lifestyle finally caught up with him, sources confirmed Monday that local 40-year-old Thomas O’Brien was not active enough to realize that his body was falling apart. “If he’d only take the stairs once in a while, he’d notice that his knees are shot, but he hasn’t done that in close to a decade,” said sources, who noted that the man’s was far too inactive on a daily basis to notice that his muscles had deteriorated and his joints were shot. “One stumble and his ankle would snap with his bone health, but when’s that going to happen? He doesn’t go to the gym or jog, let alone leave the house. He’d be sore for a week if he carried plastic bags full of groceries for a couple blocks. The poor guy’s totally clueless. His back would be killing him right now if he wasn’t lying down on the couch right now.” At press time, O’Brien had proudly declared that he was doing pretty good for a guy his age.