3-Year-Old Vows To Appeal Parents’ Decision To Keep Newborn Baby Brother

HILLSBORO, OR—Lambasting the verdict as “cruel” and “brash,” 3-year-old Ian Tobler reportedly vowed Monday to appeal his parents’ decision to keep his newborn baby brother. “I am deeply disappointed by my parents’ decision to bring Mateo home from the hospital, and I will continue to fight for justice,” said Tobler, who called the arrival of the 2-day-old younger brother an infringement not just of his rights, but of the rights of all the little boys who were perfectly happy with the way things were all my themselves. “This decision disproportionately affects not just me, but this entire household that was fine without Mateo in our lives. Fortunately, this battle is far from over. I’m not afraid to take this matter all the way to Grandma and Grandpa.” At press time, Tobler had reportedly turned to civil disobedience.