Zuckerberg Avatar Enthusiastically Greets Staff In VR Office As Catatonic Body Lies In Hospital Bed

MENLO PARK, CA—Waving at his employees while entering the augmented Facebook Connect conference, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s avatar enthusiastically greeted his staff in a VR office Friday as his catatonic body lay in a hospital bed. “Welcome to the future of connecting with others,” said the graphical representation of Zuckerberg, boasting about his new vision for the metaverse while various monitors measured his vital signs and tubes pumped his motionless physical body with oxygen and nutrients in the ICU. “I’m super excited to tell you all that the metaverse is the next digital frontier, allowing users to interact with one another without having to leave their own private physical space. Of course, a lot of this is a long way off, but hopefully, within the next decade, the metaverse will reach a billion people, doing exactly what I’m doing right now.” At press time, Zuckerberg’s avatar abruptly began to glitch as the hospital nurse changed out the bag connected to his catheter.