Dyslexia may be a serious affliction, but so is abusing it in order to attain triple-letter scores when playing Scrabble.
Wild peals of laughter will surround you this week when you’re unexpectedly struck in the nuts by cancer.
They’ve called you spineless, thin-skinned, a lowly bottom feeder. But then you’re
You’ve tried to go it alone but, sadly, what the act of sexual stimulation really needs is a woman’s touch.
Most firearm accidents occur in the home. Avoid the chance of serious injury by getting shot repeatedly at work this week.
Your meticulous attention to detail willl once again ruin an other-wise fun and pleasureable pasttime.
Fears of dying alone will soon be allayed when more than 2,000 fire ants keep you company during those last terrifying minutes.
Your zodiac sign will continue to grow more ironic with each and every meal you choose to consume.
A head surgeon and two operating nurses will soon stage a comedy of errors atop your anesthetized chest.
The best way to survive a grizzly bear attack is to play dead. Look to your wife and children for pointers on realism.
Sure, you may be having some second thoughts about it, but when was the last time a little vial of poison hurt anyone?
The stars, though massive balls of plasma incapable of human emotion, pity you.
