Dozens of low-income and at-risk families will suffer this week after you put another housing project off to the last minute.
Next week’s appointment with an ear, nose, and throat specialist will start with some positive news about your ears and your nose.
While the transformation and its implications may be difficult to accept, there’s no longer any sense in denying it: You are now more beatbox than human.
Remember: You can only run away from your problems for so long before they catch up to you, tackle you, drag you into a nearby alley, and ultimately slit your throat.
Many will disapprove of your decision, but after carefully weighing the options, you’ll once again go with the thinner woman.
You’ll claim to have only been following doctor’s orders, but jury members will still convict you of assisting in a series of barbaric musculoskeletal medical experiments.
They say that a baby changes everything, and while you’ll feel a little more pressure, in the end the game is still five-card stud.
Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, you will once again manage to talk your way out of sounding interesting this week.
Your body will be so battered and bloodied that police investigators will suspect necrophiliacs of having carried out the rape.
Riding in a golf cart with snow cone in hand, you’ll be tackled by two police officers this week after matching a composite caricature of a suspected murderer.
You’ll be praised as a true original and an innovator of the art form after shooting a film whose plot unfolds in chronological order.
With each week that passes—regardless of how many children are murdered—your ritual killings are beginning to feel more like your rote killings.
