‘You Hate To See That,’ Announces Fan Secretly Thrilled About Rival Player’s Injury

BALTIMORE—Wincing and shaking his head at the sight of trainers assisting the opposing team’s running back off the field, 34-year-old Baltimore Ravens fan Bobby Ferrara announced Sunday that “you hate to see that” while secretly feeling thrilled about the injury. “Oh man, I hope he’s okay—you never want someone to have to leave the game like that,” said Ferrara, who privately experienced a mixture of immense relief and elation over the fact that the other team’s greatest scoring threat would be immediately replaced by his rookie backup, likely forcing their offense to become one-dimensional. “He’s such a great player. Hopefully it’s nothing serious.” At press time, Ferrara’s heart had reportedly sunk as he muttered “Good to hear” upon learning the star back would be returning in time for the fourth quarter.