Not to point fingers, but if you were born between 1946 and 1964, you might have had a hand in ruining the world for every single generation that will ever be born after you. Here are the worst ways that baby boomers screwed over millennials.
Refusing To Retire
This has been preventing millennials from entering all sorts of jobs, ranging from business executives to U.S. senator representing the great state of Kansas.
No Kennedy To Idolize
And don’t trot out Rep. Joe Kennedy like he’s the new RFK, because we know he ain’t.
Believed Lies Coordinated By Lobbying Groups Over 30 Years
They assumed folks had good interest at heart.
Created An Economic Environment Where It’s Impossible To Buy The Playboy Mansion
With home prices soaring all over the world, the Millennial dream of saving up and one day buying Hugh Hefner’s former party pad is now sadly out of reach.
Made Psychedelics Look Stupid
How many millions of children could have opened their third eye if the hippies hadn’t made it appear that one tab of acid would make them board a flower-painted school bus they could never leave?
A 26-Year Drought Of Significant Beatles Material Between
The greatest generation would have never hoarded Beatles releases, and they damn well know it.
Inhaled All The Good Oxygen
Cool tar-free lung you’ve got there, boomer.
Vastly Overestimating Kevin Costner’s Box Office Appeal
Eighty million dollars for The Postman two years after Waterworld flopped, but America can’t afford the Green New Deal?
Lied About College Being Worth The Costs
Despite what your parents may have told you, $70,000 of debt surprisingly does not improve one’s quality of life.
Baby Boom
This 1980’s Diane Keaton vehicle was damaging to female millennials who thought they too could easily quit their corporate job to move to Vermont to become a small business owner and a single mom with an active dating life.
Cutting The Alphabet Down To 26 Letters
Baby boomers had a whopping 82 letters they could use to spell and say millions of words that no longer exist for their poor, vocabulary starved children.
Hiding Under The Stairs With A Knife
It can be difficult to find a new job or save for a home when you know there might be a boomer under your stairs or in your closet, ready to pounce the moment you let your guard down.
Refusing To Walk Into The Ocean
Unlike every generation before them, boomers declined to fill their pockets with stones and walk beyond the waves on their 67th birthday.
Made All The Good Shark Movies
Millennials were left with nothing but Sharknado and the catastrophe that was The Meg.
Seeking T
By practicing the forbidden magics, boomers have held on to wealth, property and power in a never-ending state of undeath.
Waking T’Vrterax, T
That Arctic deep-ice expedition was a disaster.
Dying Without Leaving A Note On How To Reverse Climate Change
If they were planning on dying, the least they could have done was leave a note.
Procreating
The boomers’ most egregious fuckup was getting married and bearing children that would have to witness and inherit the world they built.
