It’s already creepy enough you’re looking for love on the internet. Don’t make it worse by opening a conversation with the following lines.
“Well, well, well, look what the algorithm dragged in.”
No one wants to admit right off the bat that your meeting is not the result of fate but rather a product commodified by a capital investment firm.
“How are you doing today?”
Seriously? You sound like a serial killer.
“Murder r
There are better ways to demonstrate that you keep up with current events.
“N
You opened the wrong app again.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
No one likes getting a message that was clearly copied and pasted.
“I’ve worked with both ferrous and non-ferrous metals.”
Who hasn’t?
“Call me Ishmael.”
While this should be a perfect opening line, especially if your name is Ishmael, it was unfortunately already taken by that bastard Herman Melville 170 years ago.
“Please provide me with a very detailed explanation of your thoughts on abortion.”
Although this is an ideal second line to use on dating apps, it makes for a risky opener.
“Can I come over and kill you?”
Don’t cut to the chase so quickly. Romantic partners want to be actually surprised when they meet up with a stranger online.
“Hey.”
Oh God, just give up on love forever.
“Name your three
Lists can be a fun icebreaker but not if all you want is a potential date’s PayPal info.
“I’m normally not racist, and I’m so sorry if I offended you.”
Maybe you want to get a head start on apologizing for something bigoted you’re planning to say, but you’re just going to scare that person off.
“You have su
Dating experts agree it’s best not to start off by incorporating a weird red flag about your love for your mother
“My head is available for you to practice cutting hair on.”
You should really only make this offer if you can fulfill it on demand.
[GIF of Gordon Hayward fracturing leg]
Sending out a loop of the former Boston Celtic gruesomely breaking his leg isn’t going to come off as whimsical as you thought.
“Nudes.”
Did you mean to send them a picture of your genitals? Or are you asking them for nudes? Please be more clear.
“Hello, you seem very attractive,
Whoa, slow down there psycho! Try easing into the conversation with a couple weeks of rote pleasantries.
“Goodbye.”
This will almost certainly end the conversation.
