Although they are known to be the most virile, physically attractive men on the planet, many Joe Rogan fans still find themselves painfully single. The Onion asked women why they don’t date people who listen to The Joe Rogan Experience, and this is what they said.
Wendy Sullivan, Waitress
“The things they refuse to stop talking about are slightly more annoying than the things other guys I date refuse to stop talking about.”
Martha Hoover, Teacher
“It would be stressful seeing a licensed doctor behind their back.”
Victoria Dell, Physical Therapist
“I don’t want to learn about psilocybin or get hit.”
Lauryn Bloomstrand, Lab Technician
“They’re just too good at sex. It’s intimidating.”
Leslie Yoder, Marketing Manager
“Dating them would just encourage more podcasts in the future.”
Tamara Simmons, USDA Inspector
“I only date Ben Shapiro fans.”
Dolly Parton, Singer-Songwriter And Philanthropist
“I’ve been happily married for 57 years.”
Trang Pham, Concierge
“If anyone is going to put ridiculous ideas into my boyfriend’s head, it had better be me.”
Kimmy Taff, Day Care Worker
“Get that weak-ass alt-light shit outta here.”
Anna Daniels, Fitness Instructor
“I have a pet elk, and I can’t risk him eating it.”
Sadie Weintraub, Yoga Instructor
“Because I’ll say, ‘How was your day?’ and he’ll say, ‘Remember when you could tell jokes without the thought police coming to kill you?’”
Maddy Reid, Nurse
“They’re just not as good as Andrew Tate fans at disrespecting me.”
Cassidy Nealon, Hairstylist
“Only betas look up to bald men.”
Dina Thomas, Teacher
“I love Joe Rogan, too, but why are you a ‘fan’ of another man? That’s trans.”
Simone Rubin, Graphic Designer
“I’m already a Swiftie, so I don’t need another cult.”
Lane Prescott, Food Truck Owner
“I’m not woman enough to handle an alpha male who listens to podcasts 16 hours a day.”
Susie Dy, Social Worker
“I just prefer the idiots I fuck to be less insistent.”
Esther Lopez, Assistant
“I’m more of a Carlos Mencia groupie.”
