Woman Loads Up On Discounted Voting Machines Day After Election

PORTSMOUTH, NH—Taking full advantage of the post-election markdowns, local woman Olivia Fanelli reportedly loaded up Wednesday on discounted voting machines. “Three’s probably more than I need, but they’re practically giving these away at the Board of Elections,” said Fanelli, who lugged the devices out to her truck in the parking lot before returning to the polling site to snag a couple of extras for friends. “You just can’t say no to a deal like this. Try to buy one at the wrong time and it’ll cost a fortune, but if you pay attention to the seasonal deals, you can get lucky. Sure, they’ll sit in storage for a while, but the next election season will be here before we know, and then I’ll be set.” At press time, Fanelli was delighted after getting her hands on the polling place’s last box of 20,000 pens.