Taking place amid the uncertainty of Covid-shortened seasons and a flurry of high-profile trades, the 2020 NBA draft will have huge implications for which GMs get fired in two years. Here are Onion Sports’ winners and losers of last night’s draft.
Winners
Charlotte Hornets: With years of experience playing under a demanding sociopath, LaMelo Ball comes into the league ready for Michael Jordan.
Detroit Pistons: Detroit scored highly coveted prospect Killian Hayes, who’s drawn comparisons to James Harden by turning the ball over on 25% of his possessions.
Sacramento Kings: With incredible vision and command of the floor, point guard Tyrese Haliburton will be the perfect franchise centerpiece for a team destined to go 33-49 for all eternity.
Moms: Getting to see their little stars shine and get all dressed up is a treat for any mom with or without a player in the draft.
Devin Vassell: Don’t know much about the Florida State shooting guard, which means he’s likely to win 4 titles and 2 MVPs playing for the Spurs.
Phoenix Suns: They stood their ground and didn’t bother listening to the so-called experts who thought they should draft for a position of need or value.
Losers
Minnesota Timberwolves: A high-upside player with questionable shooting, it’s unclear whether Anthony Edwards will be another Minnesota bust or develop into in a future All-Star for the Lakers.
Washington Wizards: Washington will take a cap hit after drafting Israeli prospect Deni Avdija, whose contract will guarantee $50 million a year in military subsidies to the Netanyahu government as a part of a Bush-era arms deal.
Traditional College Powerhouse Teams: Zero players were selected in the lottery from Kansas, Duke, Kentucky, and North Carolina, prompting the colleges to up their financial donations to potential recruits for the upcoming season.
LaVar Ball: With all three of his sons out of college, this empty nester will now spend the rest of his days doing crosswords and waiting to die.
Milwaukee Bucks: With Giannis Antetokounmpo in the final year of his contract, Milwaukee failed to draft a generational talent with the 45th pick.
