White Spanish Teacher Does Emergency Refresher Before Meeting Latino Parents

TUCSON, AZ—As she nervously wiped another bead of sweat from her brow, sources reported Wednesday that white Spanish teacher Rachel McCuller did an emergency refresher before a meeting with the mother and father of a Latino student. “Come on, come on, come on—I gotta get all these conjugations down before Mr. and Ms. Domínguez arrive,” said McCuller, who had reportedly been listening to a Spanish podcast and flipping through a Berlitz phrase book in the hope she could remember enough of the language to get by during the 15-minute parent-teacher conference. “Oh God, I hope nothing around the classroom is mislabeled. I can’t roll my R’s, so that’s already going to be embarrassing. Ugh, I’m so screwed. Hablo, hablas, habla, hablamos…” At press time, McCuller was said to be relieved after discovering the Latino parents spoke English.