Stuck inside with nothing to do? Are your days passing by unremarkably, each feeling more uniform than the one that came before? Give yourself a breather and check out some viewing suggestions to make these trying times a bit more tolerable. Here, The Onion offers recommendations on what to watch while you’re self-isolating during the coronavirus pandemic.
Fire, Steam, Acid, Heat: Netflix offers a riveting documentary about four essential elements that go into burning yourself.
Ken Burns’s Arthroscopy: In this landmark 15-part documentary, Ken Burns presents archival footage of a 1996 arthroscopic knee surgery paired with his signature black-and-white panning sequences showing damaged tissue set to a plaintive fiddle rendition of “Ashokan Farewell.”
Apple TV Dolphin Screensaver: Look at that. Dolphins.
Swift And Sure: Denzel Washington. Tom Hanks. Sigourney Weaver. Heist. A dog with robot arms. Daniel Kaluuya. Miami. The Mafia. Space. A dad trying to get back to his kids. Basketball. Music by Charli XCX. Wild game hunting. Kristen Stewart. The Nixon years. The Burj Khalifa. Secrets. Ewoks. A runaway stagecoach. International intrigue. The Old West. Music by Prince. The Taj Mahal. Hard life lessons. Music by Pitbull. A cop with a heart of gold. The Lion King. An action sequence where Jason Statham shoots a train off a cliff. Kate Hudson. Kate Beckinsale. Kate Winslet. Kate Upton. Kate Middleton. Kate Moss. Cate Blanchett. Katie Holmes. Kate Mara. Kate Walsh. Need we say more?
Yourself Silently In The Mirror: Are you an agent of hope or chaos? Or are you nothing at all?
The Office: Look, here it is. You knew it would be here. We are sure you were waiting for this the whole time, and it’s here in the slideshow. It’s what you wanted, and now here it is. You see it. You didn’t see it before in the other parts of this, but now it’s here.
A Live Feed Of Security Camera Footage From LeBron James’ House: A hacker collective from Latvia managed to access the video feed from LeBron James’ compound and it’s all over the dark web. Right now, he’s walking around in a towel eating yogurt. Pretty crazy. Check it out before it gets taken down.
Your Kids, For The Love Of God: What, are you just going to let them run around and do whatever they want? What kind of parent are you?
The Reading: For a film that’s more relevant now than ever, check out The Reading, a movie about a person slowly going insane while under federally directed isolation in their house since mid-March reading these words right this second.
