Confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson will begin March 21. The Onion answers the most pressing questions about President Biden’s first Supreme Court nominee.
Q: How will she impact the court? A: By giving the six conservative justices a new frustrated face to look at when they win yet another decision.
Q: What is her background practicing law? A: Well-rounded—she’s worked as a public defender and also for the elite law practices that the public needs defending against.
Q: What is her current position? A: She occupies the lifetime Circuit Court judge seat that Merrick Garland once foolishly gave up.
Q: Why is her nomination historic?A: It shows that even individually desegregated U.S. institutions can still be strong proponents of segregation.
Q: Has she always wanted to be a judge? A: Her high school yearbook quote said she dreamed of one day being on the dissenting side of many 6-3 Supreme Court decisions.
Q: Did her experience clerking for Justice Stephen Breyer help secure her nomination? A: See? Maybe nepotism can be used for good.
Q: How is she related to Paul Ryan?A: In the slimmest possible way that could still justify a headline.
Q: Is there anything that could prevent her appointment?A: Democrats have lost easier battles before.
