Wow! Has it been 365 days already? It seems like just yesterday I was looking back on 2007. I guess it’s true that time flies when you’re having fun…Hollywood Fun! This year really took the cake, though. Twins for Bradgelina, Olympic mania, and the return of Morton Downey, Jr.! But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s now point backwards to the year that was 2008….
Before we look back, here’s the first of my famous In and Out selections, where I put it all on the line and tell you what we can say “au revoir” to in the coming year.
In for 2009: Hats. Nothing classes up a head like a hat.
Out for 2009: Sweatbands. Unless you’re at a gym or running a marathon, I don’t want to see these.
2008 was the year of the Jonas Bothers. Peppy, good looking, and they can dance, too. “Burning Up” was the song for the summer, fall, winter, and spring combined! Now, I love music, and I appreciate cryptic names, but I can’t get my head around the Jonas Bothers. What a weird name! The Jonas Bothers…bothers whom exactly? It seems that they’re all related, so you’d think that the Jonas Family would have been more appropriate.
2008 was the year of Stephanie Meyers. Since there wasn’t a new Harry Potter book to line up for at midnight the day it was released, I had to stand in line for a midnight sale of the new book in the Twilight series. I didn’t know anything about it, so I had to buy all four at once, but you know what? It was completely engrossing! I sat down and read about the 100-year-old vampire falling in love with the 17-year-old girl and it took me back to a more innocent time, when I was a young boy hoping for someone exotic and beautiful to come take me away from the boredom of high school. Fortunately, I discovered the Movies, and that was the only exotic affair I needed. Oh, and the great thing about Twilight was that the first movie in the series also came out this year, and I was able to stand in line for a midnight screening of that as well! Firsties!
In for 2009: Saying “Totes!” for “totally,” or to provide an affirmation to something.
Out for 2009: Saying “Not!” to negate someone else’s statement.
2008 was the year for Ashford and Simpson. Just when you think you’ve heard the last of them, this singing duo proved that they were still “Solid As A Rock” and had a baby boy named Bronx! Weirdly, the singer from the band Fall Out Boy was somehow involved as well. I know, I know…musicians. Am I right?
2008 was the year for Beverly Hills 90210. The teen drama that gave us Brenda, Brandon, Dylan, Steve, Kelly, Andrea, David, Donna, Valerie, Claire, Nat, Ray, Carly, Noah, Gina, and Matt came back with a vengeance! Only this new version is updated for today’s kids, and has the edgier name 90210. The show has just started, but already Kelly and Brenda are fighting about Dylan! Just a bit of advice, ladies: You should put your differences aside and use your experiences to help this new generation of edgier teens avoid the same problems. I don’t care how good the viewing is. Okay?
2008 was the year for Barrack Obamma. I know, it’s not like me to be political, but this was certainly the most entertaining election I can remember. The president-elect brought his A-game and really got people excited for politics. It was also the year for Sarah Palin, who came into the race and electrified the other side of the aisle. She may have spent $150,000 on clothes, but if you ask me, it was totally worth it. That woman looked magnificent, and she had so much down-home spunk that you just wanted to listen to her tell it like it is all day. I won’t say whom I voted for, though. We still live in America, where a person’s vote stays in the booth.
2008 was the year of Mr. Harry Blackstone, who died at 86. You may remember him from his catty-but-oh-so-devilishly-accurate commentary on celebrity couture. Even in his advanced years, he could still look at what a celebrity was wearing for one night and really let him or her know that he didn’t like it, and say as much in a sharply worded press release. And God bless him for it. Celebrities are emissaries to how people should look, and it doesn’t do anyone any good when one of them is traipsing around like a poster child for a fashion don’t. Since there seems to be a vacancy in critiquing celebrity fashion, maybe I should step in and fill the void. Or if not me, I know a certain Ms. Palin who might be suited to using her sass to tell it like it is. What say you, readers?
In for 2009: YouTube. Where else can you see cats riding vacuum cleaners?
Out for 2009: The Dancing Baby. I think it’s time to change my screen saver.
2008 was the year for The High School Musical 3. The box-office sensation had everything you want from a movie–singing, dancing, and Norah Ephron’s son Zach. I saw it four times, and I’m still hoping it shows up under my Christmas tree.
Well, that wraps up my 2008 wrap-up. If 2009 wants to top it, it’s going to have to roll up its sleeves and really knock my socks off! Until then, I’ll see you…on the Outside!
Jackie Harvey graduated from Viterbo University with a degree in English literature in 1990. After honing his writing and copy-editing skills at The Sunshine Shopper, he became The Onion’s entertainment columnist in 1994, replacing the outgoing Archie “Arch” Danielson. Currently, Harvey writes his regular column, “The Outside Scoop,” as well as his blog, “Harveywood!”
