Well Filled To Brim With Trapped Kids

CLEVELAND HILL, NY—Onlookers told reporters on Friday that they were unsure how to proceed with rescue efforts into a local well that is filled to the brim with trapped kids. “There’s gotta be 30, 40 kids trapped in that well, wedged tightly together end to end and seemingly impossible to extract,” said local woman Bethany Cole, adding that she was looking for her missing 3-year-old daughter and believed she might be stuck in the 130-foot well, but couldn’t tell for sure because of all the trapped kids.“We tried to pull some of the kids in the top layer off, but they’re really jammed in there, and then a couple rows down there’s this really tubby 8-year-old plugging up the works. I guess it started when a boy lost his balance and fell into the well trying to catch a football, but that was about 15 years ago. We couldn’t get him out because some other kids quickly fell in, so we’d just been giving them food, and we’ve tried to tunnel down a couple times but there’s too much rock in the area. Every once in a while you can hear some of the ones who have been down there in the well longer trying to claw their way to the top, but they can’t get past all the layers of trapped kids and give up. Hopefully we’ll find a way to break up the trapped kids soon, we’re worried they’ll all get compacted into one really dense kid.” Community members added that rescue efforts had been further complicated by the arrival of Jessica McClure Morales, known as “Baby Jessica” when she captured the nation’s attention after falling into a well in 1987, who told bystanders that she was climbing in because she “missed the well.”