Wedding Couple Grateful To Be Surrounded By Loved Ones Quietly Criticizing Everything About Event

SAVANNAH, GA—Gathering friends and relatives for an intimate evening of pointing out the reception’s shortcomings in hushed tones, wedding couple Mike and Lily Katersky told reporters Saturday they were grateful to be surrounded by loved ones quietly criticizing everything about the event. “We’re just so happy all of you could travel so far out of your way to be here for our special day,” said Mike Katersky, holding up a flute of prosecco for a toast as all the guests muttered amongst themselves that the couple must have been too cheap to shell out for real champagne. “It just warms our hearts to look out at all of our closest friends and family members [bitching about how the chicken is dry and the flower arrangements are gaudy]. Now everybody, enjoy your night and grab some drinks at the cash bar.” At press time, the wedding guests were telling the bride how beautiful she looked in her dress that they silently noted was two sizes too small.