‘We’re Still Gonna Go To Vegas, Buddy,’ Says U.S. Soldier Holding Dying Drone In His Arms

BAGHDAD—Urging the unmanned aerial vehicle to keep holding on, U.S. Army Pfc. Dirk Mahon reportedly held a fatally wounded drone in his arms Friday while telling it they would still go on that trip to Las Vegas together, the one they had always talked about. “Just picture it—you and me checking out the clubs, taking in a show at Caesars Palace, playing hold ’em at the Bellagio,” the soldier said to the MQ-9 Reaper, trying to hold in his comrade’s circuitry as it spilled from the drone’s torn-open chassis. “Can’t you see that penthouse suite on the Strip, buddy? We’re on the balcony smoking cigars, offering champagne to some girls we just met. It’ll be one crazy weekend, and you’d better look out, ’cause I’m gonna drink you under the table! Ha, yeah, by the time we’re done with it, that town won’t ever be the—Hey! Don’t you go shutting down on me, you son of a bitch! Don’t you do it!” Sources confirmed that just before its software crashed and its targeting computer sputtered to a halt, Mahon assured the drone he would make sure to look after its wife and kids.