Washed-Up Toddler Can’t Point Out Things Like He Used To

TOLEDO, OH—Acknowledging that his best years were most likely behind him, local 2-year-old Spencer Boyd admitted to reporters Thursday that he can’t quite point out things like he used to in his prime. “A month ago, I was so much quicker at letting everyone know if I saw a train, a car, a rock—you name it,” said Boyd, adding that he couldn’t help but feel like, nowadays, he’s just going through the motions whenever he notices a bug, points at the bug, and says “bug” several times. “Yesterday, I saw a fire truck. A big, red fire truck, going fast, but I just kept it to myself. I used to see something and say what it was right away. Now, I’ll stare at it for a few minutes first. I guess I’ve lost my touch.” At press time, the washed-up toddler was spotted desperately trying to reignite that lost spark by pointing out everything in his field of vision.