According to recent polling for the 2024 election, Donald Trump holds an edge over Joe Biden in five key swing states. The Onion asked voters how they felt about Trump’s lead, and this is what they said.
Hannah Lin, Web Developer
“Well, there’s still a full year for voters to get even stupider.”
Clyde Johnson, Farmer
“Biden can’t compete with the exciting energy of a fresh-faced 77-year-old.”
Jonah Rosen, Copywriter
“When things aren’t going well, sometimes you want a known quantity to come in and make everything much, much worse.”
Gerry Isaacs, Line Cook
“There have to be more elderly, racist, straight, white men to choose from.”
Hillary Clinton, Politician
“Well, if there’s one thing I trust, it’s polling.”
Hank Klein, Ceramicist
“As long as we’re recycling presidents, why not throw Jimmy Carter in the ring?”
Stephanie Tully, Landlord
“I’m not surprised, since 2020 was the best year of my life.”
Melania Trump, Former First Lady
“Fuck.”
Steph Perkins, Mechanic
“I’m going to riot no matter what happens.”
Julian Winfree, Weatherman
“Where is Alec Baldwin’s impression when we need it most?”
Trevor Falsworth, Floor Supervisor
“Thankfully the 2024 election is still four years away.”
Jane Palmer, Beautician
“There is still plenty of time for the Democrats’ inaction to give Trump the election.”
Dominique Rafferty, Optometrist
“At least Joe Biden is in second or third, right?”
Alan James, Engineer
“I’m not concerned. It’s far too early to tell how old Biden will be next November.”
Amy Thompson, Writer
“This is still anyone’s race. Trump’s only ahead in red and swing states.”
Susan Jeffords, Bookkeeper
“Slow and steady wins the race war.”
President Joe Biden
“I wouldn’t wanna be whoever his opponent is.”
