Underwhelming Fantasy Novel Starts With Map Of Ohio

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Feeling let down to see a straightforward rendering of the Midwestern state, local reader Kyle Nuebart reported Friday that underwhelming fantasy novel Dayton Rising featured a map of Ohio in its opening pages. “There’s no Mount Blightforge or Tower of Azingoth or anything, just a simple overview of the main geographical features across the state of Ohio,” the disappointed man said as he thumbed through the first book of the seven-volume Chronicles Of Buckeye series, scanning over symbols denoting the Toledo Zoo, an abandoned factory, and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, but failing to find even one dragon or castle. “The way all these boats are pictured in the north makes me think that crossing Lake Erie is going to be a major plot point, which doesn’t seem too promising. I was hoping there would at least be a portal to somewhere else, even if it’s just Canada, but all there seems to be are icons for rest stops along the interstate.” At press time, Nuebart told reporters his expectations had fallen even lower after the 800-page book opened with a paragraph talking about a consortium of elders arriving from the far-flung kingdom of Bloomington, IN.