‘Uh-Oh,’ Says Slack-Jawed Rescue Worker Watching California Wildfire, Oil Spill Draw Ever Closer To Each Other

HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA—Rapidly turning his head between the spreading leak and the approaching flames, rescue worker Toby Marwell reportedly remarked “uh-oh” Wednesday while standing slack-jawed and watching the California wildfires and oil spill draw ever closer together. “Oh no, oh no, oh no,” said Marwell, grimacing and twisting his hands together with anxiety as he saw the fire inch inexorably closer to the flammable liquid. “Hoo boy, here we go.” At press time, Marwell had reportedly opened a small umbrella in a vain attempt to protect himself against the imminent explosion.