U.S. Landlord General Announces Plans To Fix Constant Flooding Sometime In Next Few Months

WASHINGTON—Assuring the nation that he would get around to it as soon as possible, U.S. Landlord General Todd Sloboda told the nation Tuesday that he planned to fix the constant flooding sometime in the next few months. “Yeah, sorry about all the flooding—it’s definitely on my radar, and I told my guy about it,” said Sloboda, speaking at a press conference in which he stressed to all 44 million renter households in the United States that things had been really hectic and he would do his best to fix everything in the order that it came to his attention. “Unfortunately, the sump pump that I need is back-ordered through at least November. Until then, I’d advise against storing anything on the floor. I can also send my son over with some towels to throw down on any problem spots. You remember Greg, right? Anyway, not ideal, but it is what it is.” At press time, Sloboda added that to cover the repairs he would have to raise the rent on all 44 million units once their leases were up.