‘Whoa, That Was Scary For A Second There,’ Says Candidate
BETHPAGE, NY—Admitting that he was overcome with terror after realizing what he had done, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump told reporters he caught himself briefly believing his own campaign rhetoric during a rally Wednesday night. “Oh, Jesus, for a few seconds there I actually found myself agreeing on a deep, personal level with the things I was saying—what the hell was I thinking?” said the shaken GOP frontrunner, recalling with horror that, right in the middle of his speech, he started to readily accept his vows that he would unite the country, force Mexico to finance the construction of a border wall, and eradicate ISIS. “Wow, I’m not sure how I started buying into that load of bullshit about other countries starting to respect the U.S. if I become president. That’s just so clearly ridiculous. I’ve got to be on my toes a little more and make sure this never happens again.” Trump also reportedly expressed serious concern that many of his supporters appeared to believe him when he said he would act more presidential if elected.
