Two pounds of ground beef from the back of the freezer: Or is it flank steak? It’ll be fine once it’s defrosted.
Unmarked macaroni in tupperware: We don’t even remember making this. Smells fine though.
Carrots: Look, they only put those dates on these things so that grocery stores have to throw them out and they can sell more products. It’s all a fucking scam.
English Muffin: Just rip off the parts with mold, and bam, good as new.
Crisco Vegetable Shortening: Look, we were in the middle of making a cake, and there’s no way we’re going all the way out to the store to get some fresh shortening.
Shrimp In Heavy Cream: Okay, we’re not gonna lie—we’re definitely taking a risk with this one. But it just looks so appetizing. We can’t resist.
Pasta Sauce: The acid in the tomatoes probably stops anything too nasty from growing in there.
