Listen attentively to the Maid of Honor’s toast to discredit any anecdotes that paint the groom in an even slightly unflattering light.
Feel free to include a few inside jokes, but resist the temptation to write the entire speech in your secret twin language.
Don’t burden your audience with a 20-minute monologue; instead, focus on one or two fistfights that truly cemented your friendship.
Thank everyone who made the day possible, including the parents of the bride and groom and the computer algorithm that made this unbelievable love story come true.
Remember to raise your glass at the end of the speech, or else all your well-wishing is rendered null and void.
