A conservative media commentator, self-help author, and clinical psychologist, Jordan Peterson has made a career out of denouncing preferred pronouns and identity politics while defending the pay gap and the patriarchy. If you know someone who is a fan of Jordan Peterson, here are things you should never say.
“He’s a racist, misogynistic troll whose sole talent is spouting pseudo-intellectual nonsense to a cadre of unhinged toxic sociopaths.”
As a fan, they are already well aware of his best qualities.
“As an American, letting a Canadian tell you what to do is a beta move.”
Canada is basically the geopolitical equivalent of a woman, which would create quite a conflict for Peterson’s fans.
“I’m a radical leftist who believes in forcibly castrating all men and sewing their penises onto newborn girls.”
They’ve spent their whole lives preparing to meet you in person and destroy you.
“Isn’t he dangerously addicted to benzos?”
You would suffer from deathly anxiety too if you tirelessly battled the ‘woke mind virus’ day in and day out.
“Isn’t worshiping him a form of the identity politics he claims to despise?”
Yes, but fans of his have made their peace with the hypocrisy of it all.
“Can you pass the mashed potatoes?”
Only Marxist swine ask for handouts!
“Hey, stop looking at the acceptance of a wider range of masculinity as a degradation of, or replacement for, the type masculinity you choose to cling to.”
They won’t hear anything through the searing hatred that consumes them after you say the word stop.
“Ben Shapiro is cuter.”
But who has the sexier unnerving feral glare?
“Did you read the article before sharing your reaction to it?”
Real intellectuals react from the gut.
“Have you tried therapy?”
Therapy is for suckers. Listening to a clinical psychologist talk about trans people online is the smart play.
“Everyone is a little bit right and a little bit wrong, no?”
No.
“I fucked your wife, and she’s leaving you for me.”
There is no way any Jordan Peterson fans are married, so you’re confessing to the wrong person.
“Can I borrow your copy of ‘12 Rules For Life?’”
Oh, they haven’t read it yet.
“Who do you like-like?”
Oh my God, she’s literally at the other table, dude—shut up!
“I don’t really listen to podcasts.”
Then where do you get your daily three hours of Jordan Peterson interviews?
“Salad.”
Look, if you want to get hissed at by a rabid beef eater, be our guest.
“I do.”
Believe us, you do not want to be spending your life with someone who believes in the marriage principles of Jordan Peterson.
