Although it’s counterintuitive, not every country views their hospitals as profit-driven corporate playgrounds. Here are things that always surprise foreigners about American health care.
You Can Spell It As “Healthcare” Or “Health Care”
This is just one of many examples of the truly amazing freedoms Americans enjoy.
Health Insurance Doesn’t Usually Cover Dental O
In foreign countries you can visit the doctor, dentist, or a local video game shop with no out-of-pocket cost, but here in America, it’s a totally different story.
Americans Put Up With This Shit
With all the problems in the U.S. system, many foreigners can’t understand why in the fuck 330 million people are just sitting there with their thumbs up their asses.
The High Cost Of Health Care
Most uninsured Americans can only afford health care by boarding an airplane and yelling ‘Is there a doctor onboard?’ to get the treatment they need.
Mitch McConnell Personally Denying Every Claim
Most U.S. citizens are used to the Senate minority leader specifically denying each of their medical claims, but it’s unusual to foreigners.
$715,000,000,000 Military Budget
It’s not about health care, but it also is.
Most Hospitals are BYO Liver
One major difference between American hospitals and those in other countries is that you frequently have to bring your own organs if you want them to be transplanted.
Hot Doctor Surcharge
For an extra fee, Americans can request the sexiest doc at the hospital to clean their wounds.
There Are No Ailments Here
The reason American health care is so bad is because no Americans are currently sick, leaving the doctors and insurance companies out of practice.
Your Kidneys Are Worth About Double In The U.S.
Keep those price tags in mind next time you go selling your organs on some second-rate black market.
The Huge Guy You Have To Beat Up Before Accessing Hospital Services
Foreigners accustomed to easy access are startled to learn that the sick must square off in the reception area against this dude who’s fucking massive and knows some MMA, too.
All American Doctors Are Ford F-150s
A comparative rarity in other countries.
Doctors Aren’t Handsome, Troubled Geniuses
Many visitors expect American doctors be brooding, intellectual titans with chiseled jawlines and piercing blue eyes; unfortunately, most doctors in America aren’t geniuses or even handsome at all.
Good Boys And Girls Can Pick A Prize From The Treasure Chest
It’s hard for many foreigners not to feel intense envy when they hear about the brave American kids who don’t cry at the doctor’s office and get to pick out a cool sparkly pencil or plastic spider.
Sometimes, When A Staffer Says “The Doctor Will Be With You Shortly,” It Actually Still Takes The Doctor Kind Of A Long Time To Arrive
American health care really is bizarre.
Easy-To-Understand Plan Types
It doesn’t get much clearer than “high-deductible point-of service health savings plan.”
There’s An Extra Charge For That
There’s an extra charge for that as well.
How Frightened Americans Are To Even Mention Their Health Care System
Dare speak of it, and it will come for you.
Medical School Debt
American doctors graduate after a decade of specialized education with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student debt and a strong urge to leave America for a place that values expertise and public wellness.
No Alcohol In Hospitals
Europeans in particular wonder how patients are meant to recover from surgery without a glass of Beaujolais, schnapps, or akvavit with breakfast.
Forced Baptisms
Many are horrified to learn that U.S. surgeons baptize all non-Christians while they are under anesthesia, but Americans know this is just a courtesy performed in case the patient dies during the procedure.
Bankruptcies So Hassle-Free
In the U.S., losing everything from health expenses is quick and easy compared to what most foreigners have to deal with.
It Hasn’t Collapsed Yet
Most foreigners are as confused as we are as to why the whole rotten system hasn’t come crashing down.
