Thing In Cave Not Finished With Eric Yet

WETHERILL MESA, CO—Two minutes of tense silence punctuated by a sound words can’t even describe led onlookers to believe Tuesday that the thing in the cave—whatever it is—was not through with Eric just yet. Huddled, outside-the-cave sources confirmed that the thing was apparently only getting started, despite hopes that a short break after what felt like hours of cracks, thuds, and weird suction noises meant that what was done was done and at least Eric wouldn’t have to suffer any longer. As of press time, Don had ignored Chrissy’s tearful warnings that the thing could still be hungry for more, and had taken the group’s only flashlight to go in after him.