Fan Disappointed To Learn L. Ron Hubbard ScientologistCharles Schulz Estate Releases Hundreds Of Rare, Never-Before-Seen Images Of Him Posing Next To An Easel11-Year-Old Moron Can’t Wait To Get Her First PeriodDry, Flavorless Cupcake Disappointing To Last BiteBlender So Sick Of Whey ProteinAntifa Organizers Announce Plans To Disrupt Neo-Nazi Rally Or Whatever Else Going On That DayHouston Residents Begin Surveying Damage Of 200 Years Of Unchecked Worldwide IndustrializationCallaway 9 Iron Once Again Named Golf Digest’s Best Club For Smashing In Cheating Ex’s WindshieldWhole Foods Announces It Balancing Out Lower Prices On Most Items By Jacking Cost Of Pita Chips Way UpNation Gets Really Tired All Of A SuddenReport: Supplying Police With High-Powered Military Weapons To Sharply Reduce Costs Of Shooting Suspects Multiple TimesJoe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic MotoristAuthorities Warn Denver Residents In Direct Path Of 2037 Hurricane AlbaThird Desperate, Unsolicited Email To Tenuous Business Contact Should Do The TrickWrigley Field Grounds Crew Feed Buckets Of Raw Meat To Hungry IvyPieces Of Bread Really Starting To Pile Up For Overworked DuckSleepover Guests Get Story Straight On What Time They Went To BedReport: Some Shithead Out There Makes So Much More Money Than YouAuthorities Urge Louisiana Residents To Evacuate Dangerous Lower Income BracketsSouth Korean President Eats Full, Balanced Meal In Show Of Strength Against NorthAffable Detective With Healthy Personal Life Hasn’t Solved Case In MonthsReport: Shit, Last Night Was Trash NightDisturbingly Deep Voice Emanates From Minnie Mouse CostumeIvanka, Donald Jr., Eric Trump Removed From White House After Mother Wins 25-Year Custody BattleFuneral Director Assures Jewish Family This Headstone Can Withstand Plenty Of Blows From Baseball BatTrump Boys Gather Rations Of Comic Books, Candy Bars For Night Hiding From Special Prosecutors In Makeshift Rose Garden FortDisturbing Report Reveals Cruel, Disgusting Conditions For Prospects Kept In MLB Farm SystemNation’s Middle Class Chillingly Reappears Out Of NowhereFormer Conservative Recalls Belittling Tirade From College Student That Brought Him Over To LeftTaylor Swift Unveils Even Darker Persona With New Single ‘Skullfucking Maggot Shit Boyfriend’‘This Map Will Change The Way You See Westeros,’ Reports Never-Ending Cascade Of Subhuman BullshitPeaceful Protest Interrupted By Swarm Of Aggressive Black-Clad MilitantsTrump Administration Announces New $20 Bill Design Honoring Harriet Tubman’s OwnersNotre Dame Replaces ‘Word Of Life’ Mural With Massive HD Monitor Displaying Christ
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