Embarrassed Whale Panicking About Huge Barnacle Outbreak Before DateTulip Popping Up In Middle Of March Must Think It Some Kind Of HotshotCompletely Unfair That Man Ended Up On Sex Offender Registry Just For Public Urination On A ChildHacker Just Going To Fix A Few Annoying Typos On Company’s Website Before Stealing Customer DataDad Recommends Hotel 10 Miles Away From City You’re VisitingAndrew McCabe Spending Few Days As Congressional Bathroom Attendant To Satisfy Pension RequirementsFriend Who Listened To Podcast On Watergate Bursts Into Conversation With Guns Fucking BlazingFreak Totally Has The Hots For You, Popular-Girl Sources ReportSurrendering Trump Boys Solemnly Salute Each Other Before Leaping From White House First-Story WindowNFL Sues EA To End Production Of Unlicensed ‘Madden’ Video Games‘My God, I’ve Discovered The Missing Link In The Russia Investigation,’ Think 379,000 Reddit Users SimultaneouslyFingerprints On Bathroom Stall Hopefully Just Menstrual Blood‘As You Can See, They Are Quite Harmless,’ Says Uber Representative Guiding Detective Through Warehouse Of Sleeping Autonomous CarsMark Zuckerberg: ‘You Should Be Grateful All Your Incessant Oversharing Online Is Actually Worth Something’Johnny Rockets Customer Terrified After Evidently Falling Through Wormhole Into 1950sReport: Snoring May Increase Risk Of Having Throat Slit During Night By Loved OneBride Has To Admit It’d Be Pretty Exciting If Someone Objected At WeddingOld Man’s Son Also Old ManGrumblethor The Mischievous Pleased With Mayhem His Magical Antics Have Wrought Upon White House–FBI RelationsFacebook Algorithm Mortified It Has To Deliver Up So Much Embarrassing News About Own CompanyStudy: Only 40% Of Mice Have Little Welcome Mat, Doorway Leading To Tiny Home Inside WallAdorable 23-Year-Old Yelling About Economic Injustice Must Have Just Read Howard Zinn For First TimeMan Constantly Blaming His Problems On Fact That He’s On FireMark Zuckerberg Promises That Misuse Of Facebook User Data Will Happen Again And Again Damning Evidence Shows Actor Al Jolson Wearing BlackfaceClassically Trained Actor Can Talk On CueAmerican People Admit Having Facebook Data Stolen Kind Of Worth It To Watch That Little Fucker Squirm‘You Are The Jewel Of My Collection,’ Says Saudi Prince While Guiding Frightened Jared Kushner Toward HaremNAACP Issues Travel Warning For Black Americans Visiting Own BackyardsAuthorities Claim The True Austin Bomber Was Everyone Who Failed This Sensitive, Promising KidCoffee Shop Customer Asks If Guy At Next Table Would Mind Watching While He Goes To BathroomEmployee Leaving Company Unsure How To Break It To Coworkers Who Don’t Really Care Whether He Lives Or DiesU.S. Military Announces Plan To Consolidate All Wars Into Final, Epic BattlePsychopath Joins Fourth Straight Republican AdministrationChrist Sues Catholic Church For Unlicensed Use Of His ImageFriends Trying On Each Other’s Glasses Revel In Glorious Mayhem Of Having Slightly Different PrescriptionsYosemite National Park Completes Construction On New 6-Lane Scenic Driving TrailJohn Bolton Warns War With North Korea Won’t Be Cakewalk Like IraqApple Recalls Thousands Of Earbuds That Unexpectedly Bloomed
76°
