The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 2, 2020

Published:

March 2, 2020

Concerned Baby Starting To Worry Lethargic, Distant Mom Not Suffering From Postpartum Depression At All

Smithsonian Museum Celebrates Black Alternate History Month With Full-Scale Recreation Of W.E.B. Du Bois’ War Zeppelin

Desperate CDC Director Walks Down Hall Of Imprisoned Diseases For One-On-One Talk With Avian Flu About Stopping Coronavirus

PETA Quietly Testing ‘Coronavirus Is A Living Thing’ Ad Spots In Few Small Markets

‘You Take These Cuffs Off Of Me And I’ll Make You A Star,’ Says Harvey Weinstein To Female Bailiff Escorting Him Out Of Courtroom

Embarrassed Heart Surgeon Admits He May Have Accidentally Left Sanders’ Medical Records In Candidate’s Chest

Trump In India Hails Blossoming Relations Between The 2 Planets

U.S. Unveils Plan For Rest Of World To Become Carbon-Neutral By 2030

Outback Introduces New Bloomin’ Cow

Nation’s Men Stunned To Realize Sexual Harassment Problem May Go As Far Back As 1990

Jörmungandr Succumbs To First Recorded Case Of Human-To-God Coronavirus Transmission

So-Called ‘Flash Sale’ May Have Been Strategized Weeks In Advance

Dead-Eyed Tattoo Artist Has Inked ‘Tomorrow Is Promised To No One’ 5,000 Times In Past Year

Reform ‘Fifty Shades’ Reader Doesn’t Think Christian And Ana Literally Indulged In Bladder Control Fetish, But Derives Meaning From Story Nonetheless

Quentin Tarantino Has Son In Latest Homage To Spaghetti Western Director Sergio Leone

Idiotic Squirrel With Acorn Runs Away From Man As If He Doesn’t Get To Eat All The Nuts He Wants

Elena Kagan Worried She’s A Fraud After Being Only Female Justice Not Called Out By Trump

Klobuchar Hoping To Distinguish Herself During Debate As Only Candidate Not Sucker Punched In Gut Moments Before Stepping On Stage

Moderators Kick Off Debate By Asking Whether Bloomberg Ready To Get Shit Rocked Again

‘Tell Me About It, Stud,’ Says Pleather-Clad Elizabeth Warren On Debate Stage In Effort To Court Bad Boy Demographic

Handwritten Sign Clarifies Flooded Urinal Covered In Garbage Bag ‘Out Of Order’

‘I’m Free, I’m Finally Free!’ Thinks Parent Before Realizing Lost Child Just Hiding Inside Clothes Rack

This The Part Of Musical Number Where Everyone In Chorus Slowly Kneels Around Main Character

Neurosurgeon Feels Lucky He Was Able To Turn Hobby Into Career

Trump Holds Diplomatic Ceremony To Formally Welcome Coronavirus To United States

Sanders Supporter Sick Of Movement Being Defined By Small Number Of Toxic Members Like Him

Iran’s Deputy Health Minister Announces He Has Coronavirus And Also Hemorrhoids But That’s A Separate Thing That He Will Deal With On His Own

Driver Enraged At Rider Who Threw Up In Ambulance

Breaking: Mama!

Candidates Struggle To Answer Question About Future Of Granite Countertops During HGTV Town Hall

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

‘No, Stop, Please,’ Shouts Woman As Hands Uncontrollably Google All Of Boyfriend’s Exes

Pete Buttigieg Pivots From Mimicking Obama To Mimicking Sanders In Attempt To Gain Ground

Timberwolves Fire Clerk On Accounts Receivable Team In First Step Towards Turning Franchise Around

‘I Like This Candidate Now And Will Vote For Him,’ Says Area Man After Having To Watch 12th Bloomberg Ad In Single Day

New, Inclusive Gerber Campaign Features First Adult Gerber Baby

‘Whatavirus?’ Says Half-Naked Mike Pence Brushing Crumbs Off Stomach While Taking First Call From Trump In 18 Months

‘I’ll Show Those Pricks!’ Screams Mitt Romney Driving Busload Of Pregnant Women To Abortion Clinic After Being Disinvited To CPAC

Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association Horrified To Learn Madison Bumgarner Risking Health As Baseball Pitcher

Child Doing Stations Of The Cross Reflects On Boredom Christ Must Have Felt During Crucifixion

Authorities Arrest 15,000 At FugitiveCon 2020

Obama Kind Of Hurt No One’s Even Asked For His Endorsement

Warren Tells Supporters To Cut That Pinterest Shit Out, This Is Serious

Man Annoyed He No Longer Even Able To Go To Wuhan To Eat Bats Without Mom Freaking Out

Olympic Committee Announces Tokyo Games Will Still Go On As Planned Because True Athletes Embrace Every Obstacle That Comes Their Way

Trump Claims Responsibility For Longest Black History Month In 4 Years

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