Entertainment The Week In Pictures – Week Of March 19, 2018 Published: March 19, 2018 Newborn Constantly Terrorized By Horrifying Shapeless BlobsAudience Left Wondering What Happened After Action Film Pans From Character To Shot Of Blood Spattering Against WallGirlfriend’s Birthday Weekend A Nightmarish, Labyrinthian Journey Through Her Darkest, Most Depraved DesiresBetsy DeVos Argues Issue Of Guns In Schools Should Be Fully Left Up To Individual ShootersCDC Rolls Out Fleet Of Narcan Biplanes To Fumigate Opioid-Ravaged Small TownsCNN Panelists Warn North Korea Situation Way Too Complex For Them To Discuss IntelligentlySwans In Committed Relationship Barely Ever Arch Necks Into Heart Shape AnymoreKinky Couple Has Mirror In BathroomFDA Cancels Bacon Recall After Finding U.S. Population Already Ate It AllRex Tillerson Blindsided By News He Still Worked For State DepartmentMorale Low At State Department After Only Employee FiredWoman All Geared Up To Complain About Work Sidelined By Friend With Marital ProblemsMan Unsure How To Expose Self To Woman He Likes Without Coming Off As A CreepSecretary Of State Fired After Inappropriately Weighing In On International PoliticsRex Tillerson Shoots Mike Pompeo Quick Email Explaining All The CountriesGina Haspel Recalls Having To Torture More Prisoners Than Male Colleagues To Prove HerselfMike Pompeo Startled After Seeing ‘Beware Of Hubris’ Scrawled In Oil On Bathroom MirrorEntire Life Of Universe Flashes Before Stephen Hawking’s EyesProud Billionaire Helps Young Son Open First Offshore Bank AccountNew Workplace Diversity Initiative Kills One White Employee Every Hour On The Hour Until More Minority Candidates HiredHistorians Say It Still A Mystery How People In Ancient Times Didn’t Just Go Crazy And Kill ThemselvesStephen Hawking Leaves Behind Beautiful Legacy Of Unheeded Warnings To HumanityLast Cherry Tomato In Salad A Wily Little BastardDepartment Of Education Study Finds Only 30% Of Students Adequately Prepared For Spring MusicalConstruction Union Seeks To Reduce Incidence Of Accidents Involving Babies Crawling On Steel I-BeamsBusy Schedule Forces Vladimir Putin To Move Up Election Win A Couple Days EarlyNRA Ad Director Still Searching For Right Sinister Music To Play Over Footage Of High SchoolersBorder Wall Prototype Clearly Designed By Yayoi KusamaHeinz Introduces Industrial-Sized Ketchup PacketReport: Friend’s Apartment Not Nice Enough To Be Asking People To Take Off ShoesConcerned Nation Gently Encourages Boston To Take It Easy This St. Patrick’s DayBath & Body Works Unveils New Soothing Eucalyptus Road FlareReport: 99% Of Employees Would Use Boss As Human Shield In Event Of Workplace AttackElon Musk Embarrassed After Realizing He Proposing Idea For Thing That Already ExistsMolly Hatchet Posts Surprise Upset In Former Deep Purple District‘The Onion’ Hires Several Pastry Chefs Away From Entenmann’s To Form New Bakery‘You Did The Best You Could,’ Says Iron Man Action Figure Voiced By Despondent Toys ‘R’ Us CEO Packing Up OfficeExhausted Mueller Trying To Find Trump Organization Russia Documents Amid Thousands Of Harassment LawsuitsDoll Real Estate Agent Glosses Over Giant Hinged Opening In Middle Of HousePaul Giamatti Cuts Back On Acting To Focus On Signature Line Of Shapeless Khakis, Rumpled Polos‘I Must Make Sure You Have The Skills To Please My Grandson,’ Says Queen Elizabeth Disrobing Before Meghan MarkleFacebook Announces Plan To Combat Fake News Stories By Making Them Actually HappenLowe’s Introduces 2-Way Ladder User Can Also Climb DownVagina Has Five O’Clock ShadowSubpoenaed Trump Organization Financial Documents Reveal Company’s Only Holding Is Single Dairy Queen In New JerseyDonald Trump Jr. Divorce Leaves Confused, Heartbroken Nation Wondering Why Bad Things Happen To Good PeopleTeach For America Celebrates 3 Decades Of Helping Recent Graduates Pad Out Law School ApplicationsRick Perry Apologizes For Trying To Outdo Fellow Cabinet Members By Using $72 Million Of Taxpayer Funds On Lampshade Advertising Completely Unfair That Man Ended Up On Sex Offender Registry Just For Public Urination On A Child Continued on next page Explore Tags Vol 54: Issue 12 Related Coverage Most Shocking Takeaways From HBO’s New ‘Sopranos’ Documentary Our Devices: They’re Listening, Sure, But Do They Really Get Us? Horrified Taylor Swift Realizes Football Happens Every Year