Poll Finds 78% Of Americans Would Vote For Liberty BellJohns Hopkins Doctors Perform First Successful Surgery On Broken ThumbBruno Mars Takes Home Coveted ‘Least Threatening Artist’ Award At 2018 GrammysPerfect Girlfriend Blames Self For EverythingTom Hanks Vows He Won’t Stop Until He Has Portrayed Every Last AmericanFBI Deputy Director Touched By Heavily Redacted Farewell Card From Bureau CoworkersStepmom Doesn’t Expect Kids To Call Her Stupid Bitch Right AwayFlustered Mathematician Unable To Recommend Good NumberStephen Miller Rewards Self After Day Of Speechwriting With Trip To See Children In Local ICE Detention CenterWhite House: ‘For Russia, The Real Sanction Is Knowing That They Let Us Down’Trump Casually Mills About Supreme Court Changing Rooms Ahead Of State Of The Union AddressTrump: ‘It’s My Honor To Deliver The First-Ever State Of The Union’Trump: ‘America Hasn’t Been Stronger Or More United Since I First Opened My Eyes And Created The Universe’Senator Dick Durbin Forced To Watch State Of The Union Address From Home After Getting Ripped Off By Ticket ScalperSame Guy Starting Each Round Of ApplauseTrump Welcomes Jefferson Davis Statue As Special State Of The Union GuestParched Trump Takes Quick Sip From Pudding Cup Between Talking PointsMike Pence Breaks Out Formal Altar Boy Robes For State Of The Union Address‘We Must Restore Rule Of Law,’ Says Trump As Aides Pass Out Revolvers To AudienceJeff Flake Delivers Searing, Critical Applause For Trump During State Of The UnionDemocratic Congressman Protests Trump’s Environmental Policies By Bringing Endangered Red Wolf To State Of The Union As GuestGruff, No-Nonsense Teacher Only Hard On Students Because He Gets Off On Exploiting PowerJamie Dimon Cites Relentless Desire To Watch A Person Die Up Close As Inspiration For Starting Healthcare CompanyNeurologists Find Brain Still Shows Signs Of Self-Criticism Minutes After Death3M Introduces New Line Of Protective Foam Eye PlugsTough-Guy ICE Agent Struggling To Raise Adorable Kids After Deporting Their ParentsAmazon Warehouses Stocked With 20,000 Doctors In Preparation For Healthcare LaunchLawyers Confirm Trump Willing To Answer All Of Sean Hannity’s Questions About Russia CollusionLibrary To Display Same Tattered Richard Wright Poster In Honor Of Black History MonthBjörk Spotted Leaving Nightclub With Mysterious Firefly Trapped Inside BubbleBlack History Month Celebration Honors How Sharp African Americans Looked In Old-Timey ClothesMan Prefers Comic Books That Don’t Insert Politics Into Stories About Government-Engineered Agents Of WarPrince Harry, Meghan Markle Set Up Bridal Registry At London-Area TargetFBI Warns Republican Memo Could Undermine Faith In Massive, Unaccountable Government Secret AgenciesGuantánamo Inmates Cheer After Learning Trump Saved Their HomeJustin Timberlake Pulling Panicked All-Nighter After Realizing New Album Due Tomorrow‘What About You, Are You On My Team?’ Trump Asks George Washington PortraitScott Pruitt Orders EPA Employees To Stay In Office Over Weekend While It’s Being FumigatedBreaking: Nunes Memo Exposes Deep Bias, Corruption In Devin Nunes‘Aha!’ Shouts Devin Nunes Pulling Back Shower Curtain In Hopes Of Revealing Hidden FBI AgentSci-Fi Film Presents Vision Of Future In Which Women Never Speak To Each OtherResearchers Find Decline In Facebook Use Could Be Directly Linked To Desire To Be Happy, Fully Functioning PersonNunes: ‘The American People Have A Right To Know The Contextless, Selectively-Edited Truth’United Airlines Cracking Down On Emotional Support Spouses
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