The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 11, 2017

Negligent Oaf Sloppily Packs Away Board Game Without So Much As A Thought To Future Players

God Announces Plans To Take A Few Millennia To Focus On Storms

Man With 3 Kids Going To Make Great Father Someday

‘Football Saved My Life,’ Says Man Who Will Be Left Paralyzed By Sport

Couple On Verge Of Breaking Up Has Mind-Blowing Aquarium Visit

FCC Chair Unveils Premium Comment Line To Fast-Track Net Neutrality Complaints For $49.99 Per Month

Mueller Loses Visual On Oval Office Camera After Trump Spills A1 Sauce On Bust Of Winston Churchill

Nation’s Sleep Experts Recommend Cutting Down On Strobe Light Before Bedtime

NASA Celebrates 60th Anniversary Of Launching First Moon To Orbit Earth

Alabama Forced To Release Thousands Of Sex Offenders After Inmates Deny Charges

‘I’ll Have To Obstruct One Last Thing,’ Whispers Jared Kushner Before Wrapping Gloved Hands Around Mueller’s Neck

Masterpiece Cakeshop Case Declared Mistrial After Clarence Thomas Tampers With Evidence

New RNC Ad Endorses Roy Moore: ‘He’s A Scumbag, But He’s Our Scumbag’

Ryan Zinke Comes Out In Support Of Controversial Wildfire

Browns Encourage Dissatisfied Fans To At Least Stick It Out Until End Of Season

Son’s Friend The Kind Who Always Gets Nosebleeds

Patagonia Introduces New High-Performance Jacket Specially Designed To Protect Wearer On Walk Between Front Door And Car

FDA Confirms Psilocybin Reduces Risk Of Mindlessly Following Society’s Rules Like Fucking Lemming

Lakers Add Buffalo Chicken Wing Stains To Shaquille O’Neal’s Retired Jersey

Depressed Matt Lauer Up All Night Rewatching 8-Second Clip Of Career Highlights

RNC Taps Dennis Hastert To Lead New Youth Outreach Program

Woman Getting All Defensive About Inherent Worth And Selfhood

Trump Promises U.S. Will Continue To Recognize, Preserve Palestinians’ Historic Refugee Camps

Dazed Mike Pence Wakes Up 15 Miles Outside D.C. After Asking God To Deliver Him From Evil

Study Finds Man Starting ‘Analyze This’ During Flight To Boston Currently Happiest Person In America

God Reveals Jerusalem Actually Only 87th Holiest Site On Earth

Al Franken: ‘I’m Deeply Sorry For My Hilarious Actions’

Report: 83% Of Player Pianos Set Off By Gunfight

Bel-Air Homeowners Association Issues Fine To Resident With Unapproved Wildfire In Front Yard

RNC: ‘We Warned You Gay Marriage Would Be A Slippery Slope Toward Accepting Pedophilia’

Frustrated Wildfire Spends Hours Stuck In L.A. Traffic

NFL Revokes Roger Goodell’s New Contract After He Fails Physical

Ohio State Self-Reported Secondary Violations They Just Assume Currently Happening

Line Of Lizards Winding Out Door Outside National Geographic Casting Office

New NFL Safety Rule Requires Players To Be Careful

Department Of Labor Response Team Seals Off Toxic Workplace Environment

Bitcoin On Path To Functioning Just Like Real Currency After Small Concentration Of People Acquire Majority Of It

New GOP Tax Plan Requires Welfare Recipients To Apply For Each Individual Piece Of Food

Recording Academy Reminds Aging Musicians To Die Before December 15 To Be Included In 2017 Grammy Tributes

Panicked Donald Trump Jr. Tries To Cover Up Contact With WikiLeaks By Deleting Firefox Icon From Desktop

Bitcoin Plunge Reveals Possible Vulnerabilities In Crazy Imaginary Internet Money

ADHD Drugmaker To Ease Ongoing Shortage By Increasing Production