While most first-time mothers in the United States choose to give birth in hospitals that offer epidurals and additional medical assistance, a growing number of women are opting for drug-free, natural births, often at home. Here are the leading arguments for and against natural childbirth:
PROS
Screaming, distressed woman flooded with endorphins and adrenaline gets to be in control of entire situation
Women get to have the same full and unspoiled experience of childbirth as ancestors, livestock, woodland animals
Can lord it over Karen
Offers mothers a more comfortable, non-intrusive means of pushing a child out of their vagina in a room full of people
Allows for a variety of birthing positions, such as the Hang Glider, the Roman Candle, and the Cannon, that are impossible after an epidural
Constant edge-of-seat excitement over not having medical professionals at the ready should there be any complication whatsoever
It’s beautiful, arguably
CONS
Lack of epidural denies infant opportunity to enter world with a nice buzz
Women may experience longer, more exasperating blog posts
Puts child at higher risk of being homeschooled
Means passing up rare, exciting opportunity to get massive needle stabbed into cerebrospinal fluid
Have to weigh baby on bathroom scale
Doula might fuck up APGAR test
Baby doesn’t give a shit one way or another
