Get The Paper. Become A Member.

Monday, September 9, 2024

party cloudy and rainy weather icon 74°

Just look it up online

America’s Finest News Source

Monday, September 9, 2024

party cloudy and rainy weather icon 74°

Just look it up online

Official The Onion merchandise that can be found in The Onion store.

Shop The Online Store.

The Onion's Comprehensive Guide To Thanksgiving

Published:

The Onion’s Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving
The Onion’s Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving
Only College Student Staying On Campus Planning Saddest Thanksgiving Meal Of All Time
Only College Student Staying On Campus Planning Saddest Thanksgiving Meal Of All Time
Reporter Investigates Claims He Ruined His Family’s Thanksgiving Dinner
Reporter Investigates Claims He Ruined His Family’s Thanksgiving Dinner
Mom Brought To Tears By Thing Picked Up At Airport
Mom Brought To Tears By Thing Picked Up At Airport
Top Thanksgiving Turkey Substitutes
Top Thanksgiving Turkey Substitutes
Why Are We Hosting Thanksgiving?
Why Are We Hosting Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving Football Highlights
Thanksgiving Football Highlights
Americans Enjoying Thanksgiving Tradition Of Sitting Around At Airport
Americans Enjoying Thanksgiving Tradition Of Sitting Around At Airport
Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon
Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon
20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America
20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America
FDA Approves Seconds
FDA Approves Seconds
Grandma Concerned About Dinner Roll Count
Grandma Concerned About Dinner Roll Count
26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving
26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving
Making Family Gatherings Stress-Free
Making Family Gatherings Stress-Free
Unstable Relative, Toddler Compete For Attention At Family Get-Together
Unstable Relative, Toddler Compete For Attention At Family Get-Together
Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think
Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think
95 Percent Of Opinions Withheld On Visit To Family
95 Percent Of Opinions Withheld On Visit To Family
Nation’s Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday’s Thanksgiving Debates
Nation’s Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday’s Thanksgiving Debates
Who Are We Inviting To Thanksgiving?
Who Are We Inviting To Thanksgiving?
Cowboys’ Presumed Thanksgiving Win To Cause Nation To Vomit Up Dinners
Cowboys’ Presumed Thanksgiving Win To Cause Nation To Vomit Up Dinners
New Balloons In This Year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
New Balloons In This Year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
Domino’s Introduces Thanksgiving Feast Pizza
Domino’s Introduces Thanksgiving Feast Pizza
In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume
In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume
BREAKING: Cousin Mark Coming After All
BREAKING: Cousin Mark Coming After All
Dez Bryant Smacks Son During Thanksgiving Game Promo
Dez Bryant Smacks Son During Thanksgiving Game Promo
Turkey Pardon Mishap Results In Accidental Release Of Serial Rapist
Turkey Pardon Mishap Results In Accidental Release Of Serial Rapist
Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving
Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving
Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey
Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey
White House Thanksgiving Turkey Detained Without Counsel
White House Thanksgiving Turkey Detained Without Counsel
Black Friday Deals
Black Friday Deals
How To Cook A Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey
How To Cook A Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey
The Clemency Of Cranberry
The Clemency Of Cranberry
Winter Storm Threatens Homeless Man’s Plans To Survive Over Thanksgiving
Winter Storm Threatens Homeless Man’s Plans To Survive Over Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving By The Numbers
Thanksgiving By The Numbers
FAA Issues Holiday Reminder That Planes Can Crash And Kill You
FAA Issues Holiday Reminder That Planes Can Crash And Kill You
What’s Our Family’s Thanksgiving Tradition?
What’s Our Family’s Thanksgiving Tradition?
Unclear Whether Grandpa Having Good Time
Unclear Whether Grandpa Having Good Time
The Onion’s Tips For Traveling Over The Holidays
The Onion’s Tips For Traveling Over The Holidays
Pope Francis Canonizes Single Turkey In Annual Vatican Tradition
Pope Francis Canonizes Single Turkey In Annual Vatican Tradition
Infertile Aunt Doing It Up Big At Kids Table
Infertile Aunt Doing It Up Big At Kids Table

Print Is Back. Get The Paper. Become A Member.

Advertising

Explore Tags

Related Coverage

Read More

Sample front page of The Onion's DNC paper

Send Us Money Until the Throbbing Subsides

Get an inside look into the most respected news-gathering operation to ever exist. Keep the Onion Free For All.

Become a Member. Get the Paper.

The More You Pay, The Better The News