Renewable energy is on the rise as it becomes cheaper to produce the necessary tools and systems for transitioning the planet to a greener future. The Onion presents a glossary to common terms in the renewable energy space.
Wind Turbine
Electromechanical device that converts the wind’s kinetic energy into dead birds.
Hydropower
It’s like when you flush a toilet.
Recyclable
Not accepted by your local recycling plant.
Carbon Credit
Certified proof that the wealthy can continue doing whatever they want.
Wood
Tree bones.
Offshore Wind Farm
Wind-based power plant built specifically to ruin ocean views from rich assholes’ beach houses.
Biohazards
The people running oil companies.
Green Hydrogen
Hydrogen produced via water electrolysis that America would happily use as a weapon of war.
Earth
Dying planet you’re reading this from.
